GDC Gamemaking Technology

Because We Can

The technology behind the GDC's groundbreaking club

Recently the question of how the GDC consistantly manages to produce games of such consistant calibre and regularity has been forefront in the minds of many. We've produced groundbreaking products, including starcraft maps and The Gompei Equation, which has left the world gasping in silence. Our secret is our fastcoder technology.

It is no secret that like everyone, we too stand on the shoulders of giants. We based the GDC on emulating a game production company, and we observed how the industry dealt with the deficit in high tech employees spurred on by lack of job openings for high tech employees. Our fastcoder technology is based on that same immensely sucessful leverage of H1B visas that have rejuvenated the tech industry, but takes the concept further. Building on Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones' seminal work, we skip the process of hiring so called foreign aliens and go for real aliens.

Why the GDC's Fastcoder technology works so well

Fastcoder works by hiring low income Aliens to work for free at a high level of technical competence. These entities are screened by the parent institution for high SAT scores, good personality, and complete absence of anything that could be considered remotely human. Our crack management team then entices them to work for free with the prospect of being well paid four or more years down the line.

Game ideas do not come from the void; they start with an in-house think tank of Aliens. Out of this comes ideas that could never be produced by the more mundane software houses that employ humans. Examples of such ideas include a game based on being obedient to parents, a game that rewards good performance with math problems that kids love so much, and Dance Dance Revolution. After these ideas are thoroughly documented with a thoroughness only known to anal retentive Zarxiaans, proper legal precautions must be taken. Non disclosure agreements are a must due to the inherent sensitivity of projects involving aliens. The ideas then proceed down the pipeline to the coders, the artists, and the department of homeland security.


As always, the efficiency of our developers is a prime concern. Fastcoder technology has the ability to far outpace other oft-cited methodologies in terms of work avoidance. While some developers have tried to circumvent the system by implemented inferior developement processes, such as extreme programming and open source bazaars, our system remains resilient. Our patented adaptive obstacle technology prevents more than half of these issues from escalating, while our beaurocracy takes care of the rest. With this problem essentially solved, there is no chance that we may mistakenly show the world how easy and fun game developement is.


Shit happens... so do we.